A Letter to Myself, to Reverts..

June 11, 2015

I know it’s hard to stay motivated, to stay positive. I know of the days where you feel dread and anxiety building up to Ramadan more than excitment, I know how you hide your fasting from loved ones. But hey, you’ve perfected the art of excuses in a bid to escape the questions, the interrogation and the endless battles.

I know the struggles of creeping downstairs at 2am to have a nibble, trying to be as quiet as a mouse but your stumbles reveal you and your mouse becomes more like a herd of elephants in a bid to escape its hunters.

I know how hard it is to fast all day and have to eat by yourself, alone. Especially whilst those surrounding you virtually post endless pictures and messages of their feasts, and most of all – their loved ones. You try to absorb their excitment but all you feel is lost, alone and hopeless.

I know how difficult it is to face those dreaded questions, that interrogation, those awkward anti-Muslim conversations. That cold feeling of isolation and rejection. You aren’t normal enough for your family, but neither do you belong to a culture defined Ummah. It’s hard to fit, and even harder to accept, I know.

I understand how difficult it may be to sneak around in a bid to hide your hijab or your modest clothing, participating in a lifelong game of Hide and Seek to conceal your identity. Almost running two lives because you aren’t ready for the confrontation, I know.

But hold on, you will get through it. To reach the light you have to go through darkness, and this is your darkness. Keep walking, keep striving for the light and most of all, keep yearning for Jannah, the place where you will have no pain and this life will seem like a blink of an eye. Make dua, and lots of it. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer.

Allah (ﷻ) is the Best of Planners, recall the hardships of the Prophet (ﷺ) and his sahaba (RA) and remember all they did to spread Islam, all they sacrificed.

Sabr (patience) and Tawakkul (Trust in Allah) ..

Together we will make it through, you will find the strength.