Day One – Ramadan Diaries!
First of all, Ramadan Mubarak!
I want to keep a Ramadan Diary, a place where I can share my thoughts, feelings and realisations. A day to day perspective where I am able to see how much has changed day to day, week to week, even in a year time. Insha’Allah. Also, if I make intentions here then I cannot go back on my word.
I feel like I haven’t written in a while, almost as if my interest has gone out of the window. In actual fact, I just haven’t had the energy or motivation to do anything. So, I guess these Ramadan Diaries are almost like a challenge, a task for me to complete – and something to stick to! (We’ll see how that goes in a month’s time).
You see, I’ve entered Ramadan in a strange way. I see people speaking of preparing themselves, but I still haven’t grasped exactly how to do that, so advice and tips are gladly accepted and well appreciated. I feel like I’ve just entered the month blind in a sense. I have no real aims, no goals.. I’m just, floating around. I feel like I’m not going to make the most of it. Ahh. Inexperienced revert approaching.
It’s actually almost Iftar time as I’m typing this, 10 minutes left to be precise and I haven’t cooked anything, I haven’t even prepared anything to eat. Heck, I don’t even know what I want to eat. The day started off quite weirdly actually. Do I stay awake? Do I sleep? What do I eat? I’m tired! Those kinda dilemmas, I’ll be expecting a lot of those, muddled in with my indecisive self.
If you’re wondering, I didn’t actually sleep until after Fajr, 4am to be exact. I had to force myself to eat in the morning and even so I could only stomach a date. I almost fell asleep on the bus coming home, and then proceeded to almost crash my car on my way back out due to this protruding headache causing my judgement to be somewhat off – by quite a margin, evidently. Somehow, Allah (SWT) protected me from any knocks and something that could’ve been quite serious. My mind just seems to be elsewhere and somewhat distorted, I even thought my phone was ringing but it turned out to be the Ice Cream van.
All I can think about is sleep at the moment, I just feel so drained and sleep deprived. I don’t even want to eat, I just feel like I cannot stomach anything. I managed two dates and a few sips of liquid before my body rejected more, but even so Alhamdulillah for having at least a little to eat, many don’t even have that available. Gratitude can go a long way, especially during Ramadan where you appreciate even the smallest of things.
Right now, I have so much pressure in my head it could pop like a balloon. I think I am going to take a nap before Isha and attempt to eat a little afterwards, hopefully. Light food suggestions would also be appreciated, for either Iftar or Suhoor (Sehri, whatever you like to say).
Insha’Allah, tomorrow I hope to use my time more wisely as I am less occupied with worldly matters and teach myself something new. So, insha’Allah, check back tomorrow for Ramadan Gems, knowledge and wisdom.