Recently, more than often, a dull ache lingers inside me. It tugs, it pulls and it rebels. I didn’t understand it, I was confused and feeling lost.
So, here I sit, deep in thought with a candle for a rather fruitfully scented company. I watched it’s delicate flame flicker so beautifully, then I witnessed it’s fizzling out. Gone, vanished.. Burnt out entirely, that’s me.
You see, I’ve set myself on fire to give others the gift of warmth and a fruitful scent. I’ve been focussing too much on giving to others that I’ve left nothing for myself, and then I’ve burned out because just like the flame, it’s not sustainable. I’ve been scarred by the flames of ingratitude, I’ve suffered mentally and emotionally, and most of all, so has my soul.
My souls been calling out for help and I’ve left nothing for myself. Why? I forget to feed it, I starve it of its one thing; nearness to its Creator. I’ve fed everyone else, but my soul? It’s yearning for that closeness. It needs it’s food, it needs knowledge and that closeness.
Critical condition, it calls out. No love, no food and no care. I’m just a shell now, an empty shell with a lifeless soul.
Revive my soul, O Lord of the worlds. Reignite it and bring it closer to You, but don’t take it until You’re most pleased me.
I’m going to fix my empty shell, I don’t know how yet, but I will. Insha’Allah. When I rise back up from the darkness of the ocean, I will share with you my pearls. So both you and I, can benefit in the future.
Hold on, it isn’t the end. This life is the temporary beginning of an eternal journey, Jannah is the goal. The eternal.