Missing Pieces – The Road back to Allah (ﷻ)
And just like that, the twinkle in her eyes was gone with the wind. She was like a flower silently battered by the storm, clinging on with little hope of blooming again. Her heart was torn into pieces, mentally she was lost and emotionally? Drained and defeated by her desires. Her soul called out, but she ignored its pleas and then wondered why she was feeling lost, exhausted and in darkness.
So there I sat, in silence. Silence is overwhelmingly loud when you gather your chaotic thoughts, I whispered to myself. How did this happen? The answer was always there, and it was simple – let go. But I held on, I held on so tightly until my hands bled and that is how I found myself broken and in darkness.
Where’s the light? I pleaded. Lord, catch me. Catch me before I hit the ground and self-destruct.
My outer shell plasters a smile and I laugh like I am the most content whilst inside I am crumbling into pieces. Who was I fooling? Myself, of course. My heart hurts; twisted and tangled by its desires. I’ve become an empty shell with a starving soul. My soul needs feeding but I’m depriving it. That’s the issue.
“There lies within the body a piece of flesh. If it is sound, the whole body is sound; and if it is corrupted, the whole body is corrupted. Verily this piece is the heart.”
Trapped in this materialistic society, desires often override the medication our heart and soul desperately needs. Our hearts are so pre-occupied with this world that we make people and our worldly desires central to our lives and wonder why we hurt; it should be The Most High who is central. We put the creation before the Creator, we please others and abandon our starving soul; I gave too much and left nothing for myself. My abandoned heart was reflecting my outward actions and all I was doing was distracting it from its one true purpose; obeying The Most High, avoiding the problem and killing my soul. Internally, I had died before my death.
“And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.”
(Surah Al-‘Imran – 3:185)
I was becoming a slave to this illusion; I set myself on fire to keep others warm, focussing too much on them and abandoning myself – I burned myself out and was scarred by its scorching flames. Melting in the blaze of ingratitude, tearing myself apart to make others whole and having them abandon me. Ironic, isn’t it? Because when you give so much and people abandon you, it’s an issue – what about when we’re showered with blessings and we still act ungrateful and abandon our Creator?
“and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:216)
Often, the things you thought brought you happiness are the cause of your pain and emptiness. It was bad for us, we just couldn’t see until it cut us into pieces. The heartaches of this dunya are here to remind us that we should never have attached our hearts to anything other than The Creator in the first place. We search for someone who will understand and ease our pains; we cling to the creation in desperation. He (ﷻ) is closer to us than our jugular vein, the vein essential for life, so why do we still run to the creation? When there is none that can heal, except Allah (ﷻ).
You see, Allah (ﷻ) has told us that He (ﷻ) is The Best of Planners; sometimes things aren’t meant for us right now, their pieces don’t fit. Eventually, it’ll fall into place. One by one, like a jigsaw.
So keep striving for all wounds heal, eventually. Every problem, every test and even our levels of happiness – it’s all temporary, just like this life. There’s a benefit to every test, find it and treasure it. Isn’t it wonderful how those who’ve been at their lowest have risen up with so much sparkle, gems and wisdom? That’s faith, and a gift from Allah (ﷻ). Call for the help of Allah (ﷻ) and light will seep through the darkness.
Let go, free yourself. You’re worth more. Take the risk, free your soul of the burden for once.
And just like that, the twinkle in her eyes was gone with the wind. Only this time, tears for her Lord could make them sparkle again. Brighter than ever before, they glistened amongst the darkness – she had found true love. The flower that was silently battered in the storm returned, it bloomed again – she had found her strength – her Lord.
O Turner of the hearts, make our hearts firm upon Your Religion. If we fall into darkness, let us rise back up with gems.
Also, some of you may have caught my article in the June’s issue of SISTERs magazine (http://sisters-magazine.com) If not, catch an uneditted version of it here: