Seeking Light through the Darkness

Escaping life’s shackles; that’s what I’m trying to do, escape. Escape from the crumbling of the rocks beneath my feet that plunge me into darkness. Escape from the thunder in my mind and the clashing of my chaotic thoughts. Unlock each shackle, one by one. Find the key to each. Free myself, step by step.

Lost? Perhaps, or maybe just captured by this world.

Just like fog engulfs a city, it too engulfs my mind. It becomes a distorted mess, a blurred vision. My chaotic thoughts become hazy as they whizz around, colliding with each other.

Just like the waves violently clashing against the rocks during a storm, my heart was clashing with this world.

You see, I feel like a robot; we are robots. Life drains me. Mentally, physically and emotionally. We learn to walk and talk and all of those wonderful things and then we’re thrown into education. Before you know it, years have passed by and you’re thrown into the working life. Working to survive in this competitive, yet cruel society, the days are flying by and with the blink of an eye, the years over.

We’re working to survive in the temporary, but our eternal souls are dying. We’re dying. Spiritually? Almost dead. Day by day, breath by breath – and that’s where my pain lies. And then I thought to myself, why don’t I stop and observe my hurt? If it was physical, I’d tend to it. So why do we abandon the calls of mental pain?

Alone; I continued to search for the moon that will illuminate my darkest hours.

I was lost in so many different ways; using distractions to numb the pains and avoiding the problem, but all that did was create more issues and make me a slave to this world. In the past, I took a path of relying on others to puzzle me back together but you’re left disappointed when you realise not everyone understands your pains. So I began to rely on myself, which failed. When really there was only one who understood even the darkest corners of my soul; God.

You see, the guiding light had never left me. My thoughts may have been so distorted that I lost my track, and I may have drifted so far into the darkness that I couldn’t see a way out – but there was one who never left me; my Lord.

Through the rumbling of the thunder, the engulfing of the fog and the crashing of the waves, I learned one thing in particular – The Most High has always shown me a way out, even when it looked impossible and I’d lost hope. He (ﷻ) always provides for me when I’m at my lowest, even when I had sunk so low I was drowning in my sorrows. Even when I was complaining of my struggles and spurting out ingratitude – I was still showered with gifts.

“And He gave you of all that you asked for. And if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them.”

– Surah Ibrahim (14:34)

It’s true; Allah (ﷻ) truly is Al-Wahhab – The Giver of All. Just like we give gifts to those we love, we continue to be blessed with many. No matter how far away we stray, we’re still gifted. Doesn’t that make you feel loved?

With a negative mindset, we often cannot see the blessings in our storms and in our struggles. But eventually, you realise they benefitted you all along. You were just too blind to see it. Sometimes things just aren’t meant for you right now, their pieces don’t fit, and that’s okay. Eventually, it’ll fall into place. One by one, like a jigsaw. So, let it be because there is a better planner than you. Have trust, have faith.

If we turn away from people, they abandon us. Right? But our Lord doesn’t. It’s never too late to turn back and you too, will find your way. Without struggles, we wouldn’t progress and we certainly wouldn’t see how much love our Lord has for us. Embrace your trials, be content and show gratitude because even our struggles are our biggest gifts – learn from them and reap in all of the blessings you can for no one loves you more than your Lord.

Abandon your Lord for this world and you’ll truly suffer. Find that balance, for this world will never fill your emptiness. Strive for the akhirah. Turn to Him (ﷻ). Use Allah (ﷻ) as your security; close doors to things that disturb your heart and increase your barriers. Place your happiness in Allah (ﷻ). Find peace, find contentment and most of all – have faith.

PS. Lack of posts, I know. Life captured me, tore me up and spat me back out.